Will You Be My Boyfriend?
by tookkia
Summary: Nessie and Jake are finally dating, but crazy, infatuated hs girls are determined no matter what.Drastic measure must be taken to convince one girl that Jake isn't for sale.What better way to show Jake's not interested than parading around as…Edwards bf!
1. Chapter 1

**Jacob and Edward? Together? Oh goodness the wrongness in that, the absurdity, the absolute irrationality … I must try it!**

**Yes, I can't believe I'm doing this either but *cackles maniacally* here goes! Enjoy!**

**As usual I do not own any of Stephanie Meyer's work, solely the plot to this story.**

* * *

><p>Jacob's face fell into his palms, an outward groan escaping muffled lips as Renesmee rubbed comforting circles over his upper back. Her warm hands felt good on his bare skin, a soothing sensation that rippled through his body and down to his toes.<p>

But it did nothing to quell his frustration.

"And you've done everything you think that might possibly help?"

Renesmee gave her grandmother a hopeless expression. Jacob looked pained as he answered. "Yes, Esme. All that's left is for me and Nessie to go right in front of her and start having se—"

"Jacob." Edward immediately growled. He eyed him threateningly, the mere idea undoubtedly sending the pack leader's mind into a realm of forbidden fantasies.

Renesmee and Jacob had the decency to look embarrassed. He quickly continued. "Sorry, sorry, _make love_—not that we're going to do that anytime soon, of course. I'm just saying that even then, Mary Sue just doesn't get it!"

"Who's Mary Sue?" Rosalie walked into the sitting room, eyebrows raised in question. She sat on the armchair of Emmett's current seat.

Jacob looked up with a wry smirk. "A miniature you, actually, but in human form."

Rosalie barely glanced at him before turning to Renesmee. "Explain, please."

Renesmee sighed, removing her hands from Jacob's back and settling alongside him on the couch. "She thinks the world of herself," she cast Rosalie an apologetic glance, "which I couldn't care less for except—"

"She's infatuated with Jacob." Finished Edward.

Rosalie looked appalled for a second. "And you're comparing her to me? I would never—"

"Not the point, Rose," muttered Edward.

She merely waved a hand in dismissal. "So ignore her. She's just a human after all. I'm sure you could avoid her if—"

"But that's the thing!" cried Renesmee. "She changed her schedule so that now she has every class with us, she sends him letters, and pictures—"

"Inappropriate pictures …" Jacob added with a frown.

"And she's always around! I even saw her lurking around La Push last Saturday. Even when Jake and I are—"

Edward cleared his throat, narrowing his eyes at the two. Renesmee blushed slightly.

"Well when Jake and I are with each other. It's gotten to the point where I'm ready to pack up and move to China if I have to!"

Bella, who hadn't said a word until yet, gave her daughter a reassuring smile. "Now, Nessie, we'll figure something out. I don't think such drastic measures are—"

"But it's driving me insane, mom. And Jake too. We're up to our wits end and we don't know what—"

And then Emmett started laughing. Hard. The sofa shook as his laughter grew louder and more rambunctious, his shoulders heaving rapidly with the thought that had crossed his mind. Everyone turned to look at him in surprise. Renesmee frowned, irritated. As petty and high school-ish as their problem was, it was still a problem. Surely Emmett could see how important it was to come up with a solution.

Suddenly Edward stood up, a vivid snarl erupting onto his lips. In the blink of an eye he was at Emmett's side, grabbing hold of the bigger vampire and hauling him to his feet. The others reacted immediately.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

"Let him go, Edward, I'll rip your arms off."

"Emmett stop laughing, you're only making it worse!"

"Daddy, what's going on?"

"You know, Edward, it's not a bad idea."

All glances shifted towards the small, black-haired vampire. She was gazing at Edward pensively, her eyes glassing over slightly. And despite Edward's iron grip, Emmett continued to chuckle, though it was a great deal softer than before.

"Alice, please. You can't possibly agree with—" Edward started.

"Well, I'm not sure of the outcome yet, considering you're so against it now, but think about it Edward. It might be just the thing to get Mary Sue out of Nessie and Jake's business."

"No, Alice. It's ridiculous and—"

Rosalie looked annoyed. "What exactly are you guys talking about now?"

Edward glared at Emmett and Alice, but seeing as how there was two of them and only one of him—

"Emmett thinks Edward should pose as Jacob's boyfriend."

Several pairs of eyes widened significantly. Jacob looked horrified. "I'm sorry, but what? Jasper, I think you need to knock her in the head or something."

Alice pursed her lips but chose to ignore the comment. "Think about it. In this way, Mary Sue will know she has no chance whatsoever with Jake. Not if he's into guys."

For a stunned silence no one spoke. And then—

Emmett, Rosalie, and Jasper burst into unabated sniggers. Even Carlisle and Esme seemed to be struggling to hold in their laughter. Jacob and Edward eyed each other in disgust, and Bella and Renesmee eyed their respective partners nervously. They were obviously considering the idea.

Edward was still shaking his head. "No. There has to be another way. And besides, why would it have to be me—"

"Because you're the male that's most around Nessie and Jake at school. We know it's because you're keeping an eye on them but the students don't. Plus Emmett's too big, it would have to look legit and you fit the perfect description of a pretty boy with the bigger alpha male." Alice replied curtly.

Emmett was laughing as if he couldn't breathe. Rosalie was near the same condition.

"You're forgetting Jasper." Edward countered angrily. He'd made his way back towards Bella's side, as far away from Jacob as possible.

Alice smiled impishly, but answered matter-of-factly. "Jasper's off-limits."

"That's not a valid reason, Alice."

"Oh!" Her grin broadened and she laughed. "Don't worry, Nessie. I just saw the future and it's going to work."

Edward looked furious. "But I haven't even agreed—"

"Oh but you will!" Alice trilled.

"I will not! I swear it to you I won't commit such blasphemy!"

* * *

><p>Edward sunk his head into the soft hollow of his wife's neck. If he could have sobbed, he would have.<p>

"I can't believe I'm doing this …"

"You'll do great, Edward."

"Aren't you opposed to this at all? Jealous even a bit?"

Bella laughed musically. "Well, I will admit I don't enjoy the thought of you getting comfortable with another person. But," she chuckled more, clearing her throat to neutralize it somewhat, "I think I'll take my chances with Jake."

Edward groaned, eyeing the school beyond the trees with a look of pain. He could already see Jacob and Renesmee arriving from the left entrance. She got out of the car and feigned a long stretch whilst Jacob combed a hand through his hair. He was frowning. It was the cue.

"Bella, I've done lots of things. Dangerous and terrible. But this will be my greatest conquest yet."

"I know, love." She gave him one last chaste kiss before cupping his cheek affectionately. "But right now it's show time."

* * *

><p>Jacob gulped as Edward approached. He knew the plan, knew the motions, all he had to do was enact them. He knew how to put on a show, he'd been the highlight of his first grade Thanksgiving play after all.<p>

_Yeah, but something tells me this is going to be a lot harder than gobbling like a turkey …_

"Oh hey, Bella!" Renesmee squealed beside him. He glanced around and spotted the reason for this nightmare: head of the cheerleaders and popular girl number three, Mary Sue Jones.

"Nessie! How was your weekend? Oh, hey Jake."

Jacob gave a nervous smile. "H-hey, Bells—Bella."

Bella gave him a mischievous wink, whilst Renesmee pat him on the arm briefly. _I love you, Jake. Give her the show of a lifetime._ "So, interesting weekend, huh Jake?"

Mary Sue was already making her way over towards them, her curls bouncing in sync with each step she took, among other things. It was time to perform. Jacob gave his best imitation of a flirty smile. "Yeah, it sure was. So sorry about the whole thing, Ness. I had no idea," he turned the shameless grin towards Edward—who smiled forcefully back—"until now that is."

Edward took a step forward so that they were shoulder to shoulder. He could hear Mary Sue's thoughts getting closer. Nonchalantly, he placed his arm around Jacob's shoulder.

_Too casual! Make it more sensual! _

He fought the glare that was, for once, making its way towards his beautiful wife. Pushing down an unnatural urge to hurl, he lowered his arm so that it settled onto Jacob's bulging biceps instead, moving his hand lightly across the length of it for better demonstration. Behind them nearby Mary Sue's thoughts stopped abruptly. _Is Edward Cullen … feeling him up?_

He could tell by Bella and Renesmee's identical grins how much they were actually enjoying this charade. He had half a mind to call the entire thing off right there and then. Fortunately the bell rang.

_The cheek! Kiss him on the cheek!_

Edward resisted rolling his eyes. _Yeah right …_

"Hey, so, how about I walk you to class, Jake?" Edward said loudly. He knew Mary Sue was within hearing distance.

"R-really?" Jacob responded nervously. Edward shot him a quick look, one that clearly said: 'you've got to do better than that!'

He searched frantically for words, lifting his own hand and playfully punching Edward on the cheek. "I'd love that, you—you sweet thing, you."

Mary Sue frowned. _Are they joking? No matter, they're coming this way._ "Hi, Jake!"

Both men froze as the blonde, cheerleader closed the remaining steps and practically threw herself onto Jake's immobile form. Renesmee growled behind them. _Do something, daddy!  
><em>

Edward laughed handsomely. "Hey there, Mary Sue." He seamlessly, pried her off of Jacob's torso, stringing his arm through the others at the same time. "Sorry, but this one's taken."

Mary Sue looked baffled. She noticed Renesmee passing by and cast her a suspicious glance. When she simply walked by towards her classroom, however, she turned the same puzzled expression towards the two boys in front of her. "Wait, I thought—"

"Sorry, Sue, got to run. Come on, Edward." They turned and continued down the hallway in the other direction.

"You sweet thing, you?" spoke Edward, so quiet so only Jacob could hear.

"You try coming up with something better!" Jacob hissed back.

Edward shook his head. "You're a terrible actor, you know that?"

"Did I tell you how especially stinky you smell today?"

"It's a step up from wet dog."

"Oh so we're back at that are we? Well you smell like a—ow!"

Edward pulled their entwined arms closer so that the length of their side was pressed against each other. He put on a dashing smile, muttering under his breath. "Stop sulking. Mary Sue's best friend, straight ahead."

Jacob fell into character immediately, turning to face Edward with a mocking flutter of his eyelashes. "Want to know what's keeping me going right now?"

"Stop it, Jacob."

Jacob used his other hand to stroke down Edward's visible arm. "Sure thing, sweetheart, oh here's your class."

Edward turned a suddenly blazing glare into Jacob's face. "I was supposed to walk you to your classroom, _sweetheart_."

At that moment the bell rang. Jacob cast him a broad grin. "Seems the fates have spoken. Besides, I'm bigger than you, I get to be the man in the relationship."

Fortunately for Jacob, Alice appeared out of nowhere. "Edward! I'm so glad I caught you," she pulled him into the classroom, her high pitched voice ringing in Jacob's ears. "Quick, tell me how to rationalize fractions again? I heard they're giving us a test today …"

Jacob hurried around the corner and to his own class. _Phase one done. Preparation lunchtime …_

* * *

><p><strong>So, what do you think so far? Obviously this isn't done just yet. We still have lunch and after school to get through. I think one or two more chapters should do it though lol. Review please :)<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**The second installment. Hope you like ;)**

**I do not own any of Stephanie Meyer's work, solely the plot to this story.**

* * *

><p>Edward rushed out as soon as the bell rang, practically flying to Bella's fourth period classroom. He caught her just as she stepped out, her eyebrows rising slightly with the crazed expression and rough manner in which he grabbed her and shoved her into a nearby janitorial closet. And immediately began assaulting her with deep, throaty kisses, growling against ivory skin as his hands wandered across the flat of her stomach and up towards her breasts.<p>

"Edward I don't think—"

"Don't speak," he commanded hoarsely. Golden eyes met hers only fractionally as his left hand found the buttons on her jeans. He taunted only sparingly, before plunging into the space between denim material and smooth, satiny skin.

Bella gasped with the familiar sensation, heat pumping through her veins and need taking priority over anything else. Her mind became a blur of hazy images, all ending with the same mind-blowing result. Before she could stop, or convince herself otherwise, she grabbed hold of bronze, tousled hair, delving into her husband's neck with vigor, lips suckling and teasing as his fingers stroked the sides of her hips provocatively, provoking her more and more.

He was just about to remove the insulting garments when suddenly—

"There you are!"

The door flew open and Alice smirked down at them.

Luckily they were still mostly clothed. Bella seemed to come out of her blinded state and immediately pried away from Edward's alluring touch. She cast Alice an apologetic glance.

"Sorry, Alice, I couldn't help it and—"

"I know. Edward provoked you. Shamelessly, I might add."

Edward glared at the pixie-like vampire as she ushered them out of the closet and into the now mostly empty hallway. "It would have only taken a few minutes. And besides, with everything you all have planned between Jacob and I—"

"Alice is right, Edward," Bella intervened. "Nessie needs you right now. We can't afford to risk any mistakes."

Edward pursed his lips but didn't reply.

Noting the pained expression, Bella offered a smile. "I promise I'll make it up to you when we get home?"

The idea perked him up immediately. He flashed a brilliant smile. "I think I'll take you up on that offer."

Alice purposefully placed herself in between the couple with a roll of her eyes. "Yes, yes. You guys have all night to have freaky, unabated sex. But for now," she motioned straight ahead towards a tall, burly, dark-haired teenager standing awkwardly against a locker with a certain blonde-haired cheerleader blocking any way of escape. "Your boyfriend needs rescuing."

* * *

><p>"Really, Sue, everyday for the next two months is booked. And besides I—Edward!"<p>

Mary Sue whirled around in surprise, completely caught off guard when Edward 'accidentally' nudged her out of Jacob's path and leaned against the lockers so that he was facing the dark teenager.

"Wow, Jake. You sound so happy to see me." Spoken with a derisive hint of sarcasm, but only audible to the most attuned.

Jacob laughed heartedly, almost as if he was relieved. "You have no idea, Edward."

Mary Sue pursed her lips. She was being ignored. Again. And for some reason Edward Cullen was standing really close to Jacob. Too close.

"So Jake, how about lunch—"

Jacob suddenly thrust his arm into the crook of Edward's elbow, his entire body practically gluing itself to the pale-faced teen in a sudden bout of urgency. She could have sworn Edward looked startled for a second but then—

"Sorry, Sue, but I'm going to have to steal him away for now." He offered her a brilliant smile. "Time's wasting and I want to get as much as I can."

They strolled away towards the cafeteria, arm in arm. Mary Sue frowned. She knew a lot of guys that messed around with each other like that, going so far as lifting each other into the air bridal style. But it was always for laughs.

_And isn't Jake with that slut, Renesmee? He doesn't seem the type to mess around like that … neither does Edward Cullen. He's usually so quiet … dreamy, of course, but boring …_

_Hmmm…_

* * *

><p>"Quit rubbing your arm against mine!"<p>

"Well stop bumping into my feet!"

"We don't have to be touching every second, maybe we—" Edward stopped, his eyes widening and nostrils flaring.

Jacob stopped. "What is it?"

"That little—she just called Nessie a slut," he finished.

Jacob looked furious. "What!" He made to turn right back around but a soothing hand stopped him. He leaned into the touch as if it were a magnet.

Renesmee laughed. "You can't be doing that," she scolded lightly, "we're in front of potential eyes and dad is right next to you."

Jacob whined, familiarly close to his phased version. Renesmee giggled.

They all took their usual seats, and for a while things went as normally as they usually did, with the exception of Edward sitting next to Jacob instead of Renesmee.

Suddenly Edward groaned.

"What? What is it?" Jacob asked nervously.

Edward closed his eyes in frustration but Alice spoke before he could utter a word.

"No, Edward. You can't back out now. If it has to be done, then so be it."

Jacob looked somewhat scared now. "If what has to be done? Alice, what happened? Edward? Somebody tell me what—oh h-hi, Sue."

"Hi, Jake," she simmered. Her blue eyes suddenly shifted onto Renesmee's, coldly. "Renesmee, mind if we talk?"

Renesmee made to stand up, her brown eyes meeting the cheerleader coolly, but Bella intervened. "Whatever you need to say to her you can say in front of us, Mary Sue. She is Edward's sister, you know."

Mary Sue glared at Bella, but seemed to consider the request. Luckily she didn't see the crazed expression that suddenly erupted onto Edward's features. After a moment, she shrugged. "Fine then. I want to know, are you still dating Jake?"

Renesmee met her cold gaze and answered shortly. "I was, but not anymore. Not since this weekend."

Mary Sue's expression altered into a psychotic glee. "So then am I right to assume my delicious Jake is back on the market?"

If it weren't for her unbelievable self-control, Renesmee would've killed the girl on the spot. Or at least punched her. But instead, she grinned slyly. "Actually, no he's not, so you can take your drool elsewhere."

Mary Sue gasped. "How dare you—wait, what do you mean he's not available? You two just broke up? Who else could he possibly …" she shot daggers at the next Cullen in sight. "You. Are you dating him now, blondie?"

Rosalie looked furious. For a dangerous moment the remaining Cullens tensed, ready to prevent any 'accident' from occurring. But fortunately Emmett answered for her. "No way, Sue," he draped an arm over his treasured mate in assurance, his hand suspiciously close to Rosalie's left breast. "Rose is all mine."

Rosalie smirked but shot her a cold glare nonetheless.

Mary Sue looked frustrated. She fixed her blue eyes on Jacob. "Enough with all this. Jake, who is she?"

Jacob gulped, and then slowly but deliberately … sidled his hand into Edward's, their fingers intertwining gracefully, silky white against rough copper. Fire and ice.

Mary Sue's jaw dropped … and then burst out laughing.

Rosalie scoffed. "She's even dumber than she looks."

Edward shook his head. "She doesn't believe us …"

At his words, Mary Sue looked up with a huge grin. "Believe you? Hell no I don't!"

Jacob leaned up earnestly. "But it's true, Sue. Edward and I—"

"Edward? Don't you mean 'Eddy?'" She burst into another fit of giggles, walking over to Jacob as she wiped away the tears of laughter from her eyes. "Wow, Jake, you really know how to make a girl laugh." Without any shame, and much to Jacob and Renesmee's horror, she pushed her body in between the announced couple and draped both arms around Jacob's neck, her breasts rubbing provocatively against his shoulder and in full view.

"So, when should we have our first date, handsome?"

Edward stood up, and in one fluent gesture pried her off of Jacob and stood purposefully behind him.

She stared with her mouth agape. "What the hell do you think—"

"Stay away from my … boyfriend."

"You're kidding me? Jake, tell me he's kidding?"

Jacob gave her a feigned smile and leaned into the hand now rubbing his shoulder sympathetically. "No, Sue. We're not."

"But you're not gay!"

"That's what we both thought, but with Jake being around my sister so much," here Edward cast Jake an expression of adoration, winking as if to solidify the gesture, "I guess it just kind of surprised us both."

Jacob followed suit, reaching his hand up to rub Edward's. Mary Sue shook her head.

"No way. I'm not buying it."

"Who cares if you don't buy it. Can't you take a hint—"

"Stay out of this, Renesmee! You had your chance, I'm taking mine!" In a meaningful attempt, she moved forward, at which Edward took a menacing step closer to Jacob.

Mary Sue laughed. "Fine. I see how it is. But if you're really together, then prove it."

Jacob frowned. Edward's eyes narrowed, a subtle glance towards Alice who already knew what Edward had heard upon Mary Sue's arrival. "We don't have to prove anything to you—"

"Kiss him."

"Sue, don't you think you're being a bit ridi—"

"Jacob Black, until I see one hell of a sexy kiss, I'm not going to believe a single word. And I know it won't happen." She gave him a smoldering look. "You want me. You just don't know it yet. There's no way you're into guys. And I _will_ have you."

Edward and Jacob looked at each other apprehensively, each thinking dangerously in sync. Kiss each other? No way. No how. Not happening. And then—

"Just kiss him, Jake. You guys were all over each other at the theatre." Bella said.

The thought alone sent both Edward and Jacob into a nightmare of bad images. Jacob glanced at Renesmee. She looked at him with big, brown, pleading eyes.

"F-fine then." Jacob retorted, a little too forcefully. He stood up so that his shoulder was level with Edward's chin. Edward shot him an icy glare in warning, too quick for any human to notice, a look that spoke volumes, one that clearly read 'don't even fucking think about it.'

Jacob gave him a sappy smile … winked at him … leaned down … hesitated slightly … looked him straight in the eyes … and pecked Edward lightly … on the cheek.

Edward's vein bulged dangerously and he fought every instinct to attack.

"See? There. I'm gay."

The bell rang and Mary Sue laughed darkly. "Right. And I'm not a cheerleader. I'll see you in class, Jake. I can't wait."

And with that she left.

The Cullens waited till she left before turning towards the couple. And as expected—

"You _stupid, disgusting_—"

"Edward, stop!"

"_No_! That was _not_ part of the plan! Hands I can handle, hugs maybe. _But I am not going to kiss the dog!"_

"Edward, lower your voice, someone might hear!"

"I don't care. I'm out. There's just no way. We'll just have to move or something."

"But graduation is in two weeks!"

"You can go to school elsewhere, Ness. I'm not—"

Jacob suddenly swooned in and grabbed Edward's arms, his thoughts not clear enough for Edward to have caught on to what he planned to do. And before he could change his mind, or Edward could react, Jacob closed the remaining space between their faces, reached behind Edward's neck to pull him closer, leaned down, and pressed his lips onto Edwards. Hard.

Thus erupted world war three.

"_Edward!"_

"_Jake!"_

But the two had already sprinted off, Jacob running for dear life from Edward's rage and embarrassment.

"Leave them," Alice ordered softly. Both Bella and Renesmee turned to her in confusion. Alice smiled. "Edward will do it. He's just mortified by the thought right now. Jake was smart to peck him on the lips. Now it won't be so hard to do it front of Mary Sue."

"Peck on the lips? Alice, all that was left was for Edward to open his mouth and it would have been a full out make out session!" Emmett laughed.

Bella nodded, worry etched in her face. "He's right, Alice. And if I know Edward and his way of over thinking things," she looked towards the way they had run. "He's going to pummel Jake."

Alice grinned. "We should get to our classes; the tardy bell is going to ring in thirty seconds. Don't worry, Jake will be fine."

With one last assured glance from Alice, the Cullens dispersed to their respective classes. Renesmee couldn't help but glance towards her imprint's flight. She sighed. _I really hope this is all worth it …_

* * *

><p><strong>Review please :) <strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**And here it is. The third and final installment to this ridiculous story. Hope you like :)**

**And of course, thank you so much for your support. Writing wouldn't be the same without you ;)**

**I do not own any of Stephanie Meyer's work, solely the plot to this story**.

* * *

><p>Fortunately—and some may have called it a strange coincidence—Edward and Jacob had gym after lunch. Because it was a free day, considering how close to the end of the year it was, the students dispersed to different areas of the double gym. It was the time of the year where 'gym class' was a common favorite. For the first twenty minutes Edward abused such 'luck' with pointedly avoiding Jacob.<p>

"It's ok, we just had somewhat of a lover's spat," he assured Molly Tate—Mary Sue's best friend—when she inquired with narrowed eyes. Jacob praised his quick-healing abilities for the millionth time.

_Though you didn't have to punch me so hard, Edward._

As soon as she left towards the other side of the bleachers, Jacob made his way towards his scowling 'boyfriend.' Edward didn't even look at him and made towards the female coach. Jacob grimaced, knowing exactly what his pissed-off vampire-in-law-slash-pretend-boyfried planned to do: charm the coach into letting him leave early. He quickened his pace.

_Oh no you don't, dearest._

Edward shot him an icy glare, quickening his pace as humanly possible.

_Edward, you've got to stop. This is for your daughter's sake. Don't you care about her? If Mary Sue gets any more involved, Nessie might do something drastic. Come on, man! What if it was Bella?_

Edward stopped momentarily. Jacob took his lapse and began to jog—slowly so as not to attract unwanted attention. There was nothing wrong with jogging casually towards a person on the other side of the room, right? In particular, a significant other?

_You know Bella would do anything for you. And you for her. Nessie is a combination of you both. Do the math!_

They were within ten feet from each other now, their eyes meeting across the small distance.

Somewhere nearby a couple of girls 'oohed' and 'awwed'. It seemed news had already gotten around. Jacob took the initiative with a charming smile and an outstretched arm.

"I'm so sorry, Edward sweetie. What do you say? Will you forgive me?"

Edward studied him for a moment, eyeing the outstretched arm with a brief look of disgust.

_And you said I was a bad actor?_

Suddenly the pale vampire returned a dashing smile. "Of course, Jake. I could never stay mad at you." In two quick steps he strode over and embraced the taller man, bringing him in so close it appeared they hadn't seen each other in ages. In fact, it was so close no one noticed the punch to the gut swiftly delivered into Jacob's groin area.

"Awwww!"

"How cute!"

"That's so hot!"

"Gentleman, enough. You know the rules."

Edward pulled back with the sharp scolding, smiling innocently. "Sorry, Coach Withers. I just got a bit overexcited what with my Jakey-poo's apology."

The coach eyed Jacob, who appeared to be trying to smile. Jacob managed a quick 'sorry sir' before the coach frowned and walked away. Jacob turned to his grinning 'boyfriend'.

"What the hell was that for?" he hissed.

"What was what, my love?"

"You know damn well—"

"Ah ah. People are watching and we just 'made up'. Wouldn't want to take any steps backwards, now would we?"

"But you hit the royal jems!"

"And you kissed me without permission."

"Edward, don't be ridiculous. That's way different." He scowled, glancing downwards. "I hope you didn't damage any potentials. Nessie would be really disapp—"

Edward's smirk vanished, replaced with narrowed eyes. "Do not discuss you sex life with my daughter in front of me."

Jacob laughed bitterly. "No, of course not. Since I'd much rather talk about _our_ first time."

Edward scowled. "Rosalie's right. You're absolutely disgusting."

"Don't worry, I wouldn't even think of sleeping with you. You're not my type."

Edward rolled his eyes and pulled the proffered arm with more 'zest' than necessary. "Nor you mine. Too much drool. And hairy."

"I am not hairy!"

"Shut up, Jacob."

* * *

><p>Renesmee Cullen waited patiently. The final bell had just rang and she stood by her car, waiting for 'her brother' and Jake. And despite the fact that only her family knew about the professed kiss, there were already a few students peering at her location curiously, as if they knew what was going to happen very soon. Though considering Mary Sue's best friend was among said group…<p>

"So, Renesmee, how does it feel to be newly dumped?"

Fortunately she didn't have time to respond. Because Jacob chose that moment to walk out of the building.

"Actually she dumped me, Molly. Pretty good thing, too." He cast Renesmee an adoring smile. "I don't think I could've had it in me to dump such a sweet person like Nessie, even if she is a girl." Jacob took another step forward, taking his imprint's hand into his own. For a moment they stared into each other's eyes … and then Jacob laughed, releasing her at the same time. "I guess you could say Renesmee Cullen is so awesome, she almost turned me."

Molly Tate frowned, seeming as if she wanted to say something but unsure of how to word it. Mary Sue—who had just arrived—smirked. "Awww, isn't that sweet? Giving the little hussy a self-esteem boost. Come on, Jake. Walk me home? My parent's are out of town."

Jacob glared, already taking a menacing step forward when a pair of strong arms suddenly grabbed him from around the middle, pulling him slightly back in the process. "Whoa there, hot stuff."

Jacob turned around and started when his savior suddenly wrapped him into a tight embrace and gave a long, very audible kiss to the side of his head.

"Edward!"

"Glad to see me, my little slobbering puppy?"

Jacob grinned, unraveling himself from Edward's strange enthusiasm. "Ecstatic actually. I love it when you're so affectionate."

A strange light seemed to be emanating from Edward's golden eyes, and he looked right at the annoying cheerleader when he spoke. "Didn't have a choice. Not when a certain _little hussy_ just doesn't seem to go away."

Mary Sue rolled her eyes, ignoring Edward's death glare that would've haunted most normal humans. "Will you please just stop with this charade already? Really, it's embarrassing to what lengths you people will go just to save Little Miss Perfect's image."

"Oh, so now I'm Little Miss Perfect? Am I supposed to be flattered? Because I'm more than willing to kick your—"

"Nessie! Stay out of this." Edward ordered, holding his arm in front of his daughter. Her eyes gleamed and he could already smell the venom pooling in her throat. He knew it wasn't poisonous but a scene was what they were supposed to be avoiding to begin with. He pulled Jacob closer to his side. "Mary Sue, I know you have this psychotic attraction towards Jake, but he's with me now. So if you're going to throw around insults then you and I have an issue to discuss. Leave my sister out of it."

"Oooh, Edward Cullen's going big-bro on me." She mocked. Around her, Mary Sue's friends laughed, albeit somewhat nervously. The rest of the Cullens had arrived and their stony glares were not to be taken lightly.

Mary Sue, being the typical snob that she was, strode forward meaningfully. "Well, if you all are done with the dramatics, I'll be taking my new boyfriend—"

Edward blocked her path. "Stay. Away. From. _My_. Boyfriend."

For a moment it seemed as if she was finally going to be afraid, the way most people at the end of Edward's crazed face would be. And then—

"You're full of shit, you know that?" She made to side-step him, her eyes focused on the tall, dark man behind him.

"Mary Sue, really, enough is enough. Edward's my new boyfriend and we're going to prove it to you. Come here, lover."

Edward barely had time to turn around before Jacob's taller form suddenly grabbed him, whirled him around, and planted a hard, firm kiss onto his lips, a kiss that lasted for an entire three seconds…before nothing but their heads separated.

Several people gasped. No one moved. Only the Cullens could physically see Edward's wide, crazed eyes. Thoughts flew everywhere.

_Did Jake just … kiss…but Edward didn't kiss back…_

_Are they really serious then?_

_They can't be! It's a joke, look how surprised they both look…_

_Edward, stop staring and kiss him back!_

_Come on, Edward, smoochy-smoochy!_

_You're wasting time, you idiot! Kiss the damn dog already and get this over with! You're making me feel sick!_

Edward stared into Jacob's pleading dark brown eyes. _Please, Edward, we've already come this far …_ He could feel every impulse in his body pulling away, screaming in agony and disgust. Already his instincts seemed to be fleeing, threatening to collapse and unleash a fury like no other. And then—

_Daddy, please?_

Edward smiled. Behind him Mary Sue snorted, taking another step forward. "I knew it! It's all a fak—"

"You call that a kiss?" Edward chuckled. Mary Sue stopped hesitantly.

Jacob grinned broadly. "Think you can do better?"

Edward laughed, sending shivers down any girl within hearing distance. "Oh yeah, babe."

And before anyone could even think, Edward shoved Jacob up against the nearby wall, pushing his body against the other so hard there would be bruises later. Pale, able hands flew beneath Jacob's fitted T-shirt, encompassing the bronze chiseled flesh beneath, bringing him closer to himself, like two pieces of a puzzle melding into one. Jacob groaned with the impact, Edward's lower body arcing into his perfectly, belt against belt, and Edward took the opportunity of Jacob's open mouth to plunge his own lips upward.

White lips crushed tan, and within seconds their kiss deepened, allowing the slight interlude of tongues. Lips danced beyond any line that might've earlier never been crossed, suckling and caressing each other as if their lives depended on it. Their bodies moved without consent, thrusting even, almost intimately. And all the while their hands roamed, grazing and rubbing against the other's body so seductively, so wrong it was hard to look away.

"Oh … Edward …"

"Jake …ungh …"

Mary Sue stood frozen on the spot…As did the rest of the onlookers. Even Bella and Renesmee seemed incapable of speech at this moment. It was as if the entire planet had stopped on its axis, no one moved, no one made a sound, save for the heated, throaty murmurs of Edward and Jacob. It wasn't until Edward's hand seemed to linger much too long on Jacob's lower abdomen, pale fingers etching their way along hard, defined muscles, slowly downwards, reaching for the hem of snug jeans, tips barely tugging even further—

"STOP!"

Mary Sue screamed, her face an unbelievable shade of white and her mouth trembling. "Just stop already! Alright, I believe you, geez, I think I—I think I'm going to be sick!" And she ran in the opposite direction.

Her friends, wide-eyed and still staring, barely seemed to notice but followed reluctantly.

Jacob and Edward, finally opening their eyes and separating, moved slowly nonetheless, prying apart limbs, lips, and any other physical contact. And much to the remaining audiences' surprise, they wore identical grins of amusement.

Emmett was the first of the Cullens to act. "Ok, people, move along! Show's over! You can come again later! We'll be here every Friday! Come on, let's go. Move it, I said!"

The remaining crowd dissipated slowly despite Rosalie's menacing glowers and Emmett's prompting. When there were but only a few people within earshot, they finally turned towards the 'couple.'

For a moment no one spoke, and then—

"Unbelievable!"

"Revolting! Don't you ever do that again!"

"I think I'm a little turned on, to be honest."

"Yes, I think it worked—_ew, mom_!"

"Priceless! We've got to do this more often!"

Edward suddenly laughed, moving so quickly he was by Bella's side in the blink of an eye. "Well, just so you all know, I can hear her thoughts a mile away and good news. She's convinced. It worked."

"Yes!"

Renesmee sprinted towards Jacob, flinging herself into his waiting arms. Before she could kiss him, however, Jacob pulled back. "Actually, I think we should wait till we're out of public view. I really don't want to have to do…_that_…again. Plus, I—er, feel like I should wash up or something."

Renesmee's smile broadened. "Oh? Do you prefer daddy's kisses now?"

A horrified expression crossed his mind. "No! I thought about you the entire time, ask Edward, I—"

"I'd rather not revisit the last five minutes, if you don't mind, Jacob."

Jacob nodded, a grimace on his face. "Amen to that."

The rest of the Cullens turned away, rolled their eyes, or chuckled. Edward scowled.

"What?" laughed Emmett. "After a kiss like that you can't expect us to just stand here and play dumb. I don't think even Nessie has gotten that far with Jake. You guys practically made it to third base. That was so good!"

Alice nodded eagerly. "Even better than in my vision."

"I have to admit, Edward, I didn't know you had it in you to show such," Jasper snorted, "_affection_ towards your future son-in-law."

The group dispersed slowly into their cars, still chatting animatedly about the unabated kiss.

Edward sidled towards his wife's side, clearing his throat meaningfully. "Bella, I believe you and I have an appointment to get to."

Bella looked confused for a moment. "An appointm—oh!" A sly grin spread over her face. "Yes, I believe we do."

"Cheating on me already, sweetheart?"

Edward frowned. "Jacob, don't."

Jacob laughed as he and Renesmee got into the car with them—Alice had taken their car already. "Don't worry, Edward. I don't think I'll ever get within five feet of you for as long as I live."

They drove the rest of the way home in content silence. When they reached home, Edward turned to Bella with a knowing smile. "I'll meet you in just a bit, I need to speak to Nessie real quick."

Renesmee walked with her father a ways from the house, Jacob not far behind. She seemed to be a bit embarrassed now that they were alone. "Dad, I really—"

"No need, sweetheart," Edward cut in, "you know I love you very much and will do everything within my power to make you happy." He paused as Jacob came into sight. "Which I think I made _very_ obvious today."

Renesmee struggled to contain her giggles.

"Nonetheless," he continued, "I beg of you: don't ever make me do anything like that again."

Renesmee rushed forward to embrace him. _Don't worry dad, I promise I won't._

Edward smiled. And then—

A pair of strong arms embraced them both. _I promise too. Sorry, sweetheart, but your breath really stinks. I think I can still taste it on my tongue…though I got to say, for a leech, you don't kiss half bad. I can see why Bella—_

"Jacob," Edward said, "you have two seconds to get as far from me as possible."

_Yes sir!_

And with that, he fled.

Renesmee took one glance at her retreating boyfriend and then gave her father a knowing look.

Edward shrugged. "Sorry, seems it just didn't work out between us. You might want to go see if he's ok."

Renesmee laughed. "I think that's a good idea …Thanks, daddy."

"Of course, Nessie."

_You think I can use some of your moves on Nessie—_

"JACOB!"

_Sorry, sorry!_

Luckily Bella showed up. She offered a sultry grin. "Come on, dear. Let's go home."

Edward released an unnecessary breath as his eyes followed the contours of his beautiful wife's meaningful glance. "Best thing I've heard all day."

* * *

><p><strong>And that's a wrap. Wow, after re-reading this, I think it could have been a potentially good multi-chapter story … *shrugs* It was fun heehee. Review please :)<strong>


End file.
